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September 05 The story of my personal fry-pan reconversion to ChristianityDear Friends,
I thought I would take this opportunity to bear witness and testify to the holy power of Christ and the Virgin Margy. Yes, friends, it’s true… I’ve had a fry-pan conversion! I’ve been blessed with a genuine, visible miracle of my own, and what’s best is that I have proof!! Hallelujah! I have seen the light and there is nothing now that can hold me back from becoming one of the billions of believers. The August 2008 long weekend which included the September 1 Labour Day was my turning point; my awakening and salvation. You see, I like bacon. Who doesn’t? More specifically, I like Bacon and Eggs for breakfast on weekends, and so it was with this long weekend in question. I was frying up some bacon in preparation for some delicious bacon and egg sandwiches. I remember while I was frying up this bacon, that I was getting annoyed with all the popping and splattering that saw a ruin to my best short-sleeve Walmart camping t-shirt, but… that’s another story. However, as my splatter-induced grievances grew so did my salvation draw near! Then, all of a sudden at a particularly fateful moment, I heard a huge pop and felt a very hot splash on my left forearm! As I rushed to decry the accursed bacon grease splatter that left me in rage and pain, little did I know that this would be my rebirth into faith-hood. A day or two later, the miraculous, mysterious, and wondrous power of our Lord began to reveal its holy works. Indeed this work has continued all week and yesterday I was compelled to take photo evidence of His little miracle. You see, I have what you might consider a “holy burn” on my left forearm. See attached photo. Does anyone remember that grilled cheese sandwich that sold for $28,000 on e-Bay? (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4034787.stm) Well, I have a bacon grease burn on my forearm that matches the shape of this sandwich precisely! Yes, I know that you can’t exactly make out the face of the Virgin Mary in the burn mark, but that’s only because resolution and fidelity are always lost in miraculous depictions, and just as the details are somewhat muted in the original toast, we should expect this effect to be even more pronounced in a subsequent copy. So, now that I have provided you with this overwhelmingly compelling account and photographic evidence, I ask you dear friend, what else could possibly account for this miraculous image other than the divine and holy power of God? Copyright © 2008 Simon Watfa. All rights reserved.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Simon P.S. Psych! But seriously, at my eulogy, one of you bastards better remember and tell this story!
 P.P.S. Did you notice the Simpson-esque Virgin Margy typo in the first sentence of this e-mail? P.P.P.S. If you like this story, feel free to share it with friends. |
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